Tonsils

My little boy is having his tonsils removed tomorrow. We've tried to explain everything to him, and he understands as much as his three-year-old brain will allow, but I'm sure he doesn't fully appreciate what's going to happen, and how he's going to feel.

I'm worried about everything, but especially about watching the doctors and nurses wheel him away from me. From that point on, until he falls asleep under anesthesia, he'll have to face this challenge alone. And when he wakes up, I'll be there, but I'll be powerless to take away the pain that he has to endure, except for what tylenol can do.

Though this experience can't even compare in severity, duration, and intensity, it is giving me a greater appreciation of another Father, who had to watch his Son be wounded for our transgressions, bruised for our iniquities, and suffer the chastisement of our peace, so that with His stripes, we might be healed. I'm thankful for that Son, who trod the winepress alone, and for His Father, who let Him accomplish His infinite Atonement. And I'm grateful that as my son is hurting and healing over the next few days, there is One who has already been there, done that, and who knows how to help!

Nephi's scripture journal

I recently read the Isaiah chapters in Second Nephi again. The more I read them, the more I like them. It really is a wonder how much space Nephi devotes to quoting scripture verbatim, especially scripture he knew we would already have, given the difficulty of engraving on plates, to say nothing of finding and refining the ore to make those plates in the first place.

I sometimes wonder whether Nephi quoted Isaiah so extensively in his own record to provide a concrete example of how to liken the scriptures unto ourselves. Nephi was the master of meaningful scripture study, and it seems to me that much of Second Nephi becomes a glimpse into Nephi’s study journal. I think we learn from his example that the scripture study can be a revelatory experience---in Nephi’s case, his commentary on Isaiah’s prophecies led his to make additional prophecies of his own. I think the same can be true for us---we can find hidden insights and messages in the scriptures that address our inner-most thoughts and problems.

I recently stumbled upon what may have been one of Nephi’s insights. Nephi’s point in quoting Isaiah is to show us that “there is a God, and he is Christ.” By this point in Nephi’s history, Jacob has already received a revelation that the Messiah, the Holy One of Israel will be known as Christ. Shortly after quoting Isaiah, Nephi reveals that “according to the words of the prophets, and also the word of the angel of God, his name shall be Jesus Christ, the Son of God.” This is the first time in the Book of Mormon where we’re told the name of the Messiah will be Jesus.

Nephi cites two sources for this piece of information: the words of the prophets and the word of an angel. Did he mean the words of Isaiah? I think so. I wonder whether the Spirit touched Nephi’s heart as he engraved these words from Isaiah 12: “Behold, God is my salvation; I will trust, and not be afraid; for the Lord Jehovah is my strength and my song; he also has become my salvation.” The Hebrew word for salvation (which Nephi would have known, even though he was writing the record in reformed Egyptian) is yeshua. This word is part of the name Joshua or Jehoshua, which means God is salvation. The Greek transliteration of this name is Jesus. So it wouldn’t be too much of a stretch to read this passage of scripture as saying “Behold, God is my Jesus….the Lord Jehovah…has become my Jesus.”

This is Nephi’s central message, and the message of The Book of Mormon: that God himself would condescend to be born into mortality as Jesus of Nazareth, who would overcome sin and death via his infinite atonement and resurrection, thus becoming our eternal salvation. Isaiah knew it, Nephi knew it, and I know it too!

The last time

Been a few days since I wrote---I had originally intended for this to be an everyday thing, but life has gotten busier than I expected!

I really enjoyed the priesthood session of this year's October General Conference. It featured a missionary choir from the Provo MTC, who sang powerful renditions of "Hark All Ye Nations" and "Go Ye Messengers of Heaven." Then, Elder Russell M. Nelson stood and gave a motivating talk about missionary work.

I've been home from the Texas McAllen mission for more than ten years now, and I've tried to preach the gospel by example since then, but have never felt the spark of missionary work like I did in the mission. Priesthood session reminded me a bit of the excitement and enthusiasm that I once felt as a missionary.

For me, that excitement is echoed in this verse from Jacob 6: "...the day that he shall set his hand again the second time to recover his people, is the day, yea, even the last time, that the Lord shall go forth in his power, to nourish and prune his vineyard; and after that the end soon cometh" (Jacob 6:2).

The Lord has restored his gospel and has sent his servants forth for the last time to prune his vineyard. I'm glad that I had a chance to be a part of that ten years ago when I was a full time missionary, and I hope that I'll be able to take part in the work, in some small way, in the days and years to come.

Counsel me not

I'm still thinking about the allegory of the olive tree in Jacob 5. At one point, the Lord shows the servant the place where he has grafted one of the branches of the original tree into a wild tree. The servant is surprised, because this particular wild tree is located on a poor spot of ground, perhaps the worst in the vineyard. The servant questions the Lord: "How comest thou hither to plant this tree, or this branch of the tree?"

The Lord responds: "Counsel me not; I knew that it was a poor spot of ground; wherefore, I said unto thee, I have nourished it his long time, and thou beholdest that it hath brought forth much fruit."

I think of the times in my life that have been particularly challenging---when I felt like my life was suddenly transplanted onto hard, rocky terrain instead of rich comfortable topsoil. How many times have I complained to the Lord that this particular challenge wasn't in the program, wasn't in my plans, and how could I possibly overcome. I now am beginning to see the wisdom in the Lord's kind but firm response: "Counsel me not, little one. The ground is rocky and barren, and growth will be difficult. But I will take care of you and give you the strength to succeed and become stronger, if you trust me." And ultimately, those challenging times and experiences are the ones that generate the sweetest fruits of faith, testimony, love, and consecration to the Lord and his gospel.

Boldness

President Boyd K. Packer gave a powerful talk at the October 2010 General Conference called "Cleansing the Inner Vessel". In it he warns of the dangers threatening the family, which is central to God's plan for the happiness of his children. He's drawn some criticism from groups who claim that his warning that homosexual behavior is contrary to the plan of happiness was "inaccurate" and "dangerous." Specifically, people are taking issue with his statement that people who are gay or lesbian can change through the power of the Atonement.

The Church's focus when it comes to gay and lesbian issues has always been on behavior, not tendencies and temptations regarding same-gender attraction. The Church has also tried to be clear that there is no room in this discussion for hatred, mistreatment or disrespect for anyone, and I agree. Surely one of the most important parts of living in a civilized society is being able to disagree respectfully about each others feelings and behaviors.

I may feel that smoking, buying groceries on Sunday, drinking alcohol, having sexual relationships outside of marriage are bad choices, and morally wrong behaviors, but I can still treat everyone with respect and dignity regardless of their actions. And individuals, regardless of lifelong temptations, tendencies, and sexual identity can still choose to act in accordance with God's laws, which will bring them happiness here and in eternity. I don't think the Church is saying that it's wrong to experience same-gender attraction. Indeed, we should love, appreciate, serve and bless the lives of all of God's children, regardless of their temptations, tendencies, and even actions. People who experience same-gender attraction are welcome in the Church, and will always be welcome. The Church is insisting, however, that sexual relationships outside of marriage are wrong, and will inevitably bring unhappiness in the long run.

People have been penalized economically for expressing such views in public, and I'm a little uncomfortable sharing them here. But President Packer's bold words, which only come from love of individuals and a desire for them to experience eternal happiness in the context of God's plan for his children, remind me of Abinadi, a Book of Mormon prophet, who said "I say unto you, I will not recall the words which I have spoken, for they are true" (Mosiah 17:9). I stand with you, President Packer.

Good fruit is perishable

Another thing that caught my attention about the allegory of the olive tree (Jacob 5) is that bearing good fruit is a temporary condition that requires a lot of continual effort. After being nourished, fertilized, and pruned, the wild branches start to bear good fruit. But after a while, left to themselves, they all return to their natural wild state, and it takes more focused effort by the Lord and his servants to reclaim them.

I think my faith and testimony and commitment to the gospel as an imperfect mortal are that way too---perishable, and dependent on constant nourishment and pruning to yield good fruit. If I ever stop doing the things that add to my testimony---reading and pondering the scriptures, praying, serving in the church, keeping my covenants---then my testimony and faith start to fade, and its much easier to doubt and wander from the path. No wonder our leaders constantly encourage us to be faithful in these daily religious habits and practices. The light of testimony burns bright, but it can quickly start to dim if we don't keep adding oil to the lamp! I look forward to a future day, when the test is over, and my light will never dim again.

Spare it a little longer

In some ways, as I read Jacob 5, "The Allegory of the Olive Tree", I see my self as one of the wild branches that needs to be tamed. But as a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and a holder of the Holy Priesthood, I also see my see as one of the servants of the Lord of the vineyard. And I think there are hidden messages in the allegory about the changes that come through the Atonement of Christ to those who work hard to serve him.

We know that the Lord loves his vineyard and wants it to be maximally fruitful and productive. We also know that the state of the vineyard affects him emotionally. He says again and again, "It grieveth me that I should lose this tree", when he sees the trees of his vineyard becoming wild and unfruitful. At one point, despite all he has done, all of his olive trees bear wild fruit, and he weeps, saying "What more could I have done for my vineyard?"

Knowing that, I paid attention to the times when the Lord proposes that he and the servant pluck off wild branches or cut down wild trees and cast them into the fire. Why would he do that? As an omniscient Lord, he knows that the trees and branches will yet respond to his tender ministering and return to productivity and fruitfulness. Why suggest burning the trees and branches when he knows that doing so is premature?

I don't think the Lord actually intends to go out right away and burn trees and branches when he suggests that option as a course of action in verses 26 and 49. Instead, I think he's testing his servant, and giving the servant a chance to acquire and demonstrate the kind of longsuffering, mercy and love that the Lord himself possesses in fulness. The servant, who has become more like his Master during their service together responds the way his Master already intends to act: "Let us prune it and dig about it, and nourish it a little longer, that perhpas it may bring forth good fruit unto thee" (Jacob 5:27) and later, when those efforts fail, "Spare it a little longer" (Jacob 5:50). The Lord immediately responds, "Yea, I will spare it a little longer, for it grieveth me that I should lose the trees of my vineyard" (Jacob 5:51).

By serving side-by-side with the Lord of the vineyard, the servant has come to love the trees too, and begins to want only what the Lord wants for the vineyard. I think this is a promise for those of us who are called to service of any kind in the Lord's kingdom. If you work with him and try to do in your service what he would do, your heart begins to change, and you begin to feel what he would feel, and to want what he would want. The Lord is able to perform his own work. He doesn't really need our help, and it would certainly be more efficient for him to do things himself. However, part of what he desires most is for us to become like him, and so he is willing to take on inefficient mortal apprentices and patiently change them into faithful servants who are more like him, all through the power of his infinite atonement.